pitch.black.dark.

“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”

                                                                                                                                   John 1:5

Darkness

Despair

Lonely

3 words that describe where my heart was that morning.

The month before returning home from Papa’s funeral. Seeing my grandmother for possibly the very last time. Lots of weighty decisions on our plate that I so wanted to push aside.

Our finances were a mess,

our marriage was a mess.

I knew that joy would come in the morning, but I was so exhausted from the night being so long.

When I woke up that morning I felt sick to my stomach. When I realized why I felt sick to my stomach I felt even more sick to my stomach.

Off I ran to Walgreens to buy 3 different brands and types of pregnancy tests.

Only 10 months ago I had suffered a misscarriage. 3 months later I found out I was pregnant again only to find out a few days later it was a false positive.

Not taking that chance again.

Hence the $50  🙂

All three said the same thing.  I had even bought one that spelled out the words PREGNANT, just so I wouldn’t go crazy looking for a plus or minus or two blue lines or two pink lines…good grief, who invented those anyway?

The moment those 8 letters flashed on the little digital screen I started sobbing, threw up again, and felt fear grip my heart.  I didn’t realize until later how tight…

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