Some would say that after our Tupperware incident that I had every right to be fearful. After Joseph was born I was diagnosed with a blood disorder that I was told that after I hit week 26 in my pregnancy it was 10 times more likely to happen again.
I knew when I shared with Kyle the news that I was pregnant he knew exactly what I was thinking.
He knew that I feared my circumstances more than I feared God.
There were alot of “what ifs?” “but you don’t understand?” from me over the next few days.
I was so confused and scared. There were so many unknowns. What in the world was God doing? Didn’t He understand that the timing here was so off?
The first couple of OB visits didn’t help either. Medicine to help me keep the pregnancy. Shots for my blood disorder. More un-settling news.
Everywhere that I looked for comfort or reassurance I found none. It only seemed to make things worse.
A wise older man once said to me, “When there are so many things you don’t know, focus on what you do know. God is Sovereign, He is Faithful, & He will never leave you.”
I “knew” all that, but God was after the fact that in the moment when my faith was to be tested, I needed to “know” that.
Kyle was so patient with me. I knew he shared some of my concerns and then some. He kept speaking truth to me and one day I remember talking about this verse:
“…do not fear anything that is frightening.” I Peter 3:6
God wasn’t saying that what I was going through wasn’t super scary, but he was telling me not to fear.
:sigh: God’s patience and love towards me truly amazes me.
It was that day that I began to understand and move towards letting God’s character inform my circumstances, instead of my circumstances informing me of God’s character.
Tomorrow, light shines in the darkness…