Have you ever wanted something so bad you could taste it? I wasn’t that way about whether I had a boy or girl. When people would ask me, I would usually just shrug my shoulders and say that either way was good.
Actually I was really scared to hope for a girl. I just couldn’t handle anymore disappointment.
Wave after wave of bad news and circumstances had been crashing over me. It became difficult at times to even check the mail or when the phone rang my heart would just sink.
I had been praying quite a bit (out of pure desperation) but even that was “backfiring”. God’s plan for me during that season was the complete opposite of my plan. I would even pray and ask for something specifically and he would give me the opposite, usually a more painful alternative from my perspective.
It is very hard to admit, but I stopped praying. I didn’t pray for a baby girl…
I was silent
I thought God was being silent
I was numb
The one good thing about being a high risk pregancy is that you get to have a sonogram pretty much all the time. Everytime I would visit the specialist they would do an extensive one. Kyle had been to all of my appointments with me at the beginning and I mentioned to him that I was getting close to the time where they could tell.
It was right before Christmas and I thought, “Wouldn’t it be fun to find out before Christmas?”
I didn’t get my hopes up…
During my sonogram that day, I don’t think I even asked if the technician could tell. She asked us if we wanted to know. Then she asked us how many boys and how many girls we already had at home. We said that we would love to know.
“Well I guess you’re even now.”
A girl, I couldn’t believe it. I cried ~ a happy cry. It had been a really long time since I had a happy cry.
We went to Target to buy a pink outfit for the kids to open at home to “tell” them the news. It was so wonderful to talk about good news to Kyle. To giggle and laugh and just be excited. It was good for me to be very aware at that moment of God’s Mercy.
He is Faithful, even in my unfaithfulness.
As we were walking through Target, for the first time I was giddy with excitement about being pregnant. It sounds corny but I kept thinking of these verses:
“When the LORDrestored the fortunes of Zion,
we were like those whodream.
Then our mouth was filled with laughter,
and our tongue with shouts of joy;
then they said among the nations,
“The LORD has done great things for them.”
The LORD has done great things for us;
we are glad.” Ps. 126:1-3
I really felt like I was dreaming…
Now to pick out a name. Neither one of us had a clue… Continue Reading…