pause.ponder.praise.

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It was a beautiful sunny day in February ~ 27 weeks along and I just stopped getting sick.

Yup. I unplugged everything super quick. No more infusion pump. No more IV’s. I was happy to get all of that junk out of my house. They give you a disposable IV pole. That was fun to trash.

A month earlier a Bojangles opened 10 minutes from my house.  It was one of the first meals I thoroughly enjoyed in 5 months. Cajun Filet Biscuit, Fries, Mac N Cheese, Sweet Tea, and a BoBerry.

Yum.

The doctors were amazed because alot of times when you are as sick for how long I was sick, you tend to be sick your entire pregnancy.

Oh, but my body was so worn out. I was just praying that my sweet baby girl was okay inside me.

Fast forward to May. I had started some pre-term labor where I started to progress so back on medicine I went.  Thankfully again my doctors were kind and didn’t put me back on a infusion pump but an oral form of the medicine.  This kind had some bad side affects though. Yuck. I felt like I had 10 cups of coffee, but baby girl needed some more time to grow.

I was so scared she would be too tiny, that her lungs wouldn’t be developed.  I remember crying when I passed by the time I had Joseph at 32 weeks.  Every day past that was a gift from God, but I was trying to make it as long as possible.

A couple weeks and 3 hospital visits later, I called Kyle in early morning at work and told him that I had started having contractions again.  He asked if I needed him to meet me at the hospital and I told him no that they were just going to give me some IV stuff and send me home.  The baby was moving fine and I didn’t want him to have to take off another day of work.

When I got there the nurses were sweet and smiled (they were starting to recognize me) and told me the doctor would see me and then they would probably start an IV again.  For some reason tears just started welling up.  Every time I had an IV started it was so painful, I had so many over the last few months it was hard to find a place that would work. I would get these painful bruises and they usually would have to stick me quite a few times.  At that moment I had had enough. To have to get an IV for a couple of hours then to go home and feel aweful because of all this medicine and then come back in a few days was so discouraging to me.

The doctor who came in to see me thought the same thing.  My body wasn’t responding well to all of it any more and it really wasn’t good for me to be contracting as much as I had been with having a prior abruption.  As scared as I was at that moment I breathed a sigh of relief.

I was giggling as I called Kyle to tell him.

“You want to have a baby today?”

“Seriously?”

🙂

Now because of all the hulla-balloo I hadn’t really thought of what it would be like to have another C-Section.  What it would be like in that moment when the baby is born and everybody is waiting for a cry when the last time there wasn’t?  Was I ready to go through that?  Was I ready to be in the NICU with a preemie?  They prepared us for all of that because no one really knew if she was quite ready.

God knew.

“He is not  afraid of bad news;
   his  heart is firm,  trusting in the LORD.” Ps. 112:7

During the beginning of the surgery we are all joking. I’m asking the doctor if he would give me a tummy tuck, he’s making all kinds of jokes about how many kids we have and Shamu.  It was great, I really needed that.

I was trying to prepare my heart for the silence that I thought was for sure coming.  I knew I couldn’t burst into sobs, I was having major surgery. Not a good idea.

I was trying not to throw up, because really, who wants to do that?

They told me that they were ready and all the stuff that you totally do not want to know about what they do when they pull her out.

Deep Breath.

Silence.

But only for a millisecond.

She was screaming! My baby girl was screaming, kicking, just as pink as she could be.

It took a minute to register in my brain that after all this, there she was.

By the time I was done with the surgery and made it to my actual room she was ready for me.

And I got to hold her and there weren’t any tubes in her.

And she was so pretty.  And she got to stay with me. And when it was time for me to go home I got to take her with me.

And I didn’t want to share.

Oh, and I felt great! Better after any other C-Section I had. Just another sweet kindness from the Lord.

Here are three words to describe where my heart was that morning:

Joy

Gratefulness

Faith

Selah Kathryn’s name means, “to pause, ponder, and praise.”

Every time I look at her I can’t help but do that.

I can’t help but be reminded of God’s power

To Heal

To Restore

To Bless

“And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore,  confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. “ I Peter 5:10-11

But wait, it gets better….

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2 thoughts on “pause.ponder.praise.

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