bitter.sweet.

Like clockwork the phone would ring at 7:00 a.m. five days out of the year.  You could barely get the sleepy hello out before she would burst forth in song.

This was the second year that the phone didn’t ring before the crack of dawn on my birthday.  I didn’t think about it during the morning. It wasn’t until I laid down to go to sleep when there were only 2 minutes left of my birthday that I remembered.  I thought about how much I just missed her.  Even all of the crazy, quirky things. Even being woken up at the crack of dawn. Especially being called “cookieface”.

As I closed my eyes to fight back tears I realized I could still hear it.  I still had the memory of what her voice sounded like when she sang happy birthday.  I couldn’t help but smile. God has been so kind to help me time after time smile through the tears.  To laugh when things are ridiculous ~ to sing when I just want to cry. To remind me that this is now, but the best is yet to come.

One day I won’t have to wake up to silence. One day things won’t be ridiculous. One day there won’t be any tears to smile through. One day. That day. I can’t wait.

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